Lesson 3: The barrier you can actually move
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Two things can be true at once. Gender bias can be holding you back. And you can also be holding yourself back, in ways you don’t see yet. The external barriers are real. Organizations promote confidence over competence. Women get promoted for what they’ve already proven. Repeatedly. Men get promoted for what someone assumes they’ll do next. They call that potential. Is it fair? No. But when has life ever been fair? Here’s the lesson: that external barrier isn’t yours to solve alone. The internal one is, and it’s where you have complete control. Here’s how the internal barrier shows up in the women I work with. It sounds something like this: I worked my as$$ off to get where I am, and they still treat me like I don’t deserve my seat at the table. How do I get them to believe I belong here? Here’s the hard truth: they’ll believe you belong there when you believe it. Not the part you know intellectually, the one based on your work and your results. That part isn’t in question. I mean what your subconscious and your body believe about where you belong, which is a different system entirely. You haven’t yet convinced your body it’s safe at this level. Safe to be fully you here. So you stay guarded. You edit how you talk, how you lead, how much of yourself you let into the room. And guarded doesn’t translate as “ready”. It reads as exactly what they suspected. Owning the room was never about the room. It’s about what you believe about the value you bring into it, decided long before you sit down, and held in your body, not just your head. Fix what’s yours. Let the rest wait for the fight it actually requires. Here’s to the ground you can actually move, Denée PS: Where do you know you belong in your head, but your body isn’t quite convinced yet? Hit reply and tell me. Denée Choice, MD, MMM |